Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Who’s the person that you didn’t forgive and why?
We all know that life consists of a series of challenges that we have to overcome in order to grow, improve and become a better version of ourselves. Some of these obstacles include forgiving people.
“Why should I forgive that person? What he/she did was wrong and deeply hurt me. He/she doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”
I’ll tell you my story and see if you can find any similarities.
A few years ago, I was in relationship, some things happened and it ended. It took me some time to understand exactly the situation. After some… well a lot of introspection, I took responsibility for my actions, learned a few things, became a different person and I got to the point where I needed to forgive the person. It wasn’t easy, but after breaking down things thoroughly, I realized what happened exactly. I’m a very detailed orientated person and I like to fully understand things, before making a proper decision. I needed to do this so I could move on.
The good part is that I forgave the person, the bad part was that I didn’t forgive myself, because I never liked failure. For me, everything that didn’t go well, was a failure. I had to go from a “fixed mindset” to a “growth mindset” to change my perspective about things not working out. I understood that every situation is an opportunity to learn from and every obstacle builds a new and improved person.
I knew the quote: "What doesn’t k*ll you, makes you stronger" by Friedrich Nietzsche, but I didn’t know what it meant exactly. After I opened my mind to growth, this quote took a whole new meaning. Finding the power to get back up and become a stronger, better person in the process, makes the struggle worth it.
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